I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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