Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
