I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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