It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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