Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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