there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
