just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
