Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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