Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this hospital has no fireball
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
