I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
