i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
