And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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