I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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