guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
