he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
