i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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