I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
