I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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