his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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