explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
