Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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