Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
