My boss' voice literally gives me gas
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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