Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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