i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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