Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
