Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
