i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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