Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
