as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
