During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
