I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
