Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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