i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
