Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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