And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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