the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
