I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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