so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
