ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
