I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Never joke about your clitoris.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
