About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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