So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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