It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
