Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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