I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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