I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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