He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
