He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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