You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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