Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
