I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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