Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
