i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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