What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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