What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
