woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you had me at cake vodka
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
