At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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