hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
