I wish I could punch you in the face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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