Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
