Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
