There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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