She's JV to your varsity
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
