Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
